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Chapter
1
I
Am a Corpse
I
am nothing but a corpse now, a body at the bottom of a well. Although
I drew my last breath long ago and my heart has stopped beating, no one,
apart from that vile murderer, knows what's happened to me. As for that
wretch, he felt for my pulse and listened for my breath to be sure I was
dead, then kicked me in the midriff, carried me to the edge of the well,
raised me up and dropped me below. As I fell, my head, which he had smashed
with a stone, broke apart; my face, my forehead and cheeks, were crushed;
my bones shattered, and my mouth filled with blood.
For
nearly four days I have been missing: My wife and children must be searching
for me; my daughter, spent from crying, must be staring fretfully at the
courtyard gate. Yes, I know they're all at the window, hoping for my return.
But,
are they truly waiting? I can't even be sure of that. Maybe they've gotten
used to my absence-how dismal! For here, on the other side, one gets the
feeling that one's former life persists. Before my birth there was infinite
time, and after my death, inexhaustible time. I never thought of it before:
I'd been living luminously between two eternities of darkness.
I
was happy; I realize now that I'd been happy. I made the best illuminations
in Our Sultan's workshop; no one could rival my mastery. Through the work
I did privately, I earned nine hundred silver coins a month, which, naturally,
only makes all this even harder to bear.
I
was responsible for painting and embellishing books. I illuminated the
edges of pages, coloring their borders with the most lifelike designs
of leaves, branches, roses, flowers and birds. I painted scalloped Chinese-style
clouds, clusters of overlapping vines and forests of color that hid gazelles,
galleys, sultans, trees, palaces, horses and hunters. In my youth, I would
decorate a plate, or the back of a mirror, or a chest, or at times, the
ceiling of a mansion or of a Bosphorus manor, or even, a wooden spoon.
In later years, however, I applied myself only to manuscript pages because
Our Sultan paid well for them. I can't say it seems insignificant now.
You know the value of money even when you're dead.
After
hearing the miracle of my voice, you might think, "Who cares what you
earned when you were alive? Tell us what you can see. Is there life after
death? Where's your soul? What about Heaven and Hell? What is death like?
Are you in pain?" You're right, people are extremely curious about the
Afterlife. Maybe you've heard the story of the man who was so driven by
this curiosity that he roamed among soldiers in battlefields. He sought
a man who had died and returned to life amid the wounded struggling for
their lives in pools of blood, a soldier who could tell him about the
secrets of the Otherworld. But one of Tamerlane's warriors, taking the
seeker for one of the enemy, cleared him in half with a smooth stroke
of his scimitar, causing him to conclude that in the Hereafter man is
split in two.
Nonsense!
Quite the opposite, I'd even allege that souls divided in life merge in
the Hereafter. Contrary to the claims of sinful infidels who have fallen
under the sway of the Devil, there is indeed another world, thank God,
and the proof is that I am speaking to you from here. I've died, but as
you can plainly tell, I haven't ceased to be. Granted, I must confess,
I haven't encountered the rivers flowing beside the silver and gold kiosks
of Heaven, the broad-leaved trees bearing plump fruit and the beautiful
virgins mentioned in the Glorious Koran-though I do very well recall how
often and enthusiastically I made pictures of those wide-eyed houris described
in the chapter "That Which Is Coming." Nor is there a trace of those rivers
of milk, wine, fresh water and honey described with such flourish, not
in the Koran, but by visionary dreamers like Ibn Arabi. But I have no
intention of tempting the faith of those who live rightly through their
hopes and visions of the Otherworld, so let me declare that all I've seen
relates specifically to my own very personal circumstances. Any believer
with even a little knowledge of life after death would know that a malcontent
in my state would be hard-pressed to see the rivers of Heaven.
In
short, I, who am known as Master Elegant Effendi, am dead, but have not
been interred, therefore my soul has not completely left my body. This
extraordinary situation, although naturally my case is not the first,
has inflicted a horrible suffering upon the immortal part of me. Though
I cannot feel my crushed skull or my decomposing body covered in wounds,
full of broken bones and partially submerged in ice-cold water, I do feel
the deep torment of my soul struggling desperately to escape its mortal
coil. It's as if the whole world, along with my body, were contracting
into a bolus of anguish.
I
can only compare this contraction to the surprising sense of release I
felt during the unequaled moment of my death. Yes, I instantly understood
that that wretch wanted to kill me when he unexpectedly struck me with
a stone and cracked my skull, but I didn't believe he'd be able to follow
through. I suddenly realized I was a hopeful man, something I hadn't been
aware of while living my life in the shadows between workshop and household.
I clung passionately to life with my nails, my fingers and my teeth, which
I sank into his skin. I won't bore you with the painful details of the
subsequent blows I received.
When
in the course of this agony I knew I would die, an incredible feeling
of relief filled me. I felt this relief during the moment of departure;
my arrival to this side was soothing, like the dream of seeing oneself
asleep. The snow- and mud-covered shoes of my murderer were the last things
I noticed. I closed my eyes as if I were going to sleep, and I gently
passed over.
My
present complaint isn't that my teeth have fallen like nuts into my bloody
mouth, or even that my face has been maimed beyond recognition, or that
I've been abandoned in the depths of a well-it's that everyone assumes
I'm still alive. My troubled soul is anguished that my family and intimates,
who, yes, think of me often, imagine me engaged in some trivial business
somewhere in Istanbul, or even chasing after another woman. Enough! Find
my body without delay, pray for me and have me buried. Above all, find
my murderer! For even if you bury me in the most magnificent of tombs,
so long as that wretch remains free, I'll writhe restlessly in my grave,
waiting, infecting you all with faithlessness. Find that son-of-a-whore
murderer and I'll tell you in detail just what I see in the Afterlife-but
know this, when he's caught, he must be tortured by slowly splintering
eight or ten of his bones, preferably his ribs with a vise, before piercing
his scalp with those skewers made especially for the task by torturers,
and plucking out his disgusting, oily hair, strand by strand, so he shrieks
each time.
Who
is this murderer who vexes me so? Why has he killed me in this surprising
way? Be curious and mindful of such matters. You say the world is full
of base and worthless criminals? Perhaps this one did it, perhaps that
one? In that case let me caution you: My death conceals an appalling conspiracy
against our religion, our traditions and the way we see the world. Open
your eyes, discover why the enemies of the life in which you believe,
of the life you're living, and of Islam, have destroyed me. Learn why
one day they might do the same to you. One by one, everything predicted
by the great preacher Nusret Hoja of Erzurum, to whom I've tearfully listened,
is coming to pass. Let me say also that if the situation into which we've
fallen were described in a book, even the most expert of miniaturists
could never hope to illustrate it. As with the Koran-God forbid I'm misunderstood-the
staggering power of such a book arises from the impossibility of its being
depicted. I doubt you've comprehended this fact.
Listen
to me. When I was an apprentice, I too feared and thus ignored the underlying
truths and the voices from beyond. I'd joke about such matters. But I've
ended up in the depths of this deplorable well! It could happen to you,
be wary. Now, I've nothing left to do but hope for thorough decay, so
they can find me by tracing my stench. I've nothing to do but hope-and
imagine the torture that some benevolent man will inflict upon that wretched
murderer once he's been caught.
Excerpted
from My Name Is Red by Orhan Pamuk. Copyright 2001 by Orhan Pamuk.
Excerpted by permission of Knopf, a division of Random House, Inc. All
rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted
without permission in writing from the publisher.
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