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Chapter
1
In
the spring of her twenty-second year, Sumire fell in love for the first
time in her life. An intense love, a veritable tornado sweeping across
the plains-flattening everything in its path, tossing things up in the
air, ripping them to shreds, crushing them to bits. The tornado's intensity
doesn't abate for a second as it blasts across the ocean, laying waste
to Angkor Wat, incinerating an Indian jungle, tigers and all, transforming
itself into a Persian desert sandstorm, burying an exotic fortress city
under a sea of sand. In short, a love of truly monumental proportions.
The person she fell in love with happened to be seventeen years older
than Sumire. And was married. And, I should add, was a woman. This is
where it all began, and where it all wound up. Almost.
At
the time, Sumire-Violet in Japanese-was struggling to become a writer.
No matter how many choices life might bring her way, it was novelist or
nothing. Her resolve was a regular Rock of Gibraltar. Nothing could come
between her and her faith in literature.
After
she graduated from a public high school in Kanagawa Prefecture, she entered
the liberal arts department of a cozy little private college in Tokyo.
She found the college totally out of touch, a lukewarm, dispirited place,
and she loathed it-and found her fellow students (which would include
me, I'm afraid) hopelessly dull, second-rate specimens. Unsurprisingly,
then, just before her junior year, she just up and quit. Staying there
any longer, she concluded, was a waste of time. I think it was the right
move, but if I can be allowed a mediocre generalization, don't pointless
things have a place, too, in this far-from-perfect world? Remove everything
pointless from an imperfect life, and it'd lose even its imperfection.
Sumire
was a hopeless romantic, set in her ways-a bit innocent, to put a nice
spin on it. Start her talking, and she'd go on nonstop, but if she was
with someone she didn't get along with-most people in the world, in other
words-she barely opened her mouth. She smoked too much, and you could
count on her to lose her ticket every time she rode the train. She'd get
so engrossed in her thoughts at times that she'd forget to eat, and she
was as thin as one of those war orphans in an old Italian movie-like a
stick with eyes. I'd love to show you a photo of her, but I don't have
any. She detested having her photograph taken-no desire to leave behind
for posterity a Portrait of the Artist as a Young (Wo)Man. If there were
a photograph of Sumire taken at that time, I know it would be a valuable
record of how special certain people are.
I'm
getting the order of events mixed up. The woman Sumire fell in love with
was named Miu. At least that's what everyone called her. I don't know
her real name, a fact that caused problems later on, but again I'm getting
ahead of myself. Miu was Korean by nationality, but until she decided
to study Korean when she was in her midtwenties, she didn't speak a word
of the language. She was born and raised in Japan and studied at a music
academy in France, so she was fluent in both French and English in addition
to Japanese. She always dressed well, in a refined way, with expensive
yet modest accessories, and she drove a twelve-cylinder navy-blue Jaguar.
The
first time Sumire met Miu, she talked to her about Jack Kerouac's novels.
Sumire was absolutely nuts about Kerouac. She always had her literary
Idol of the Month, and at that point it happened to be the out-of-fashion
Kerouac. She carried a dog-eared copy of On
the Road or Lonesome
Traveler stuck in her coat pocket, thumbing through it every chance
she got. Whenever she ran across lines she liked, she'd mark them in pencil
and commit them to memory like they were Holy Writ. Her favorite lines
were from the fire lookout section of Lonesome Traveler. Kerouac
spent three lonely months in a cabin on top of a high mountain, working
as a fire lookout. Sumire especially liked this part:
No
man should go through life without once experiencing healthy, even bored
solitude in the wilderness, finding himself depending solely on himself
and thereby learning his true and hidden strength.
"Don't
you just love it?" she said. "Every day you stand on top of a mountain,
make a three-hundred-sixty-degree sweep, checking to see if there're any
fires. And that's it. You're done for the day. The rest of the time you
can read, write, whatever you want. At night scruffy bears hang around
your cabin. That's the life! Compared with that, studying literature in
college is like chomping down on the bitter end of a cucumber."
"OK,"
I said, "but someday you'll have to come down off the mountain." As usual,
my practical, humdrum opinions didn't faze her.
Sumire
wanted to be like a character in a Kerouac novel-wild, cool, dissolute.
She'd stand around, hands shoved deep in her coat pockets, her hair an
uncombed mess, staring vacantly at the sky through her black plastic-frame
Dizzy Gillespie glasses, which she wore despite her twenty-twenty vision.
She was invariably decked out in an oversize herringbone coat from a secondhand
store and a pair of rough work boots. If she'd been able to grow a beard,
I'm sure she would have.
Sumire
wasn't exactly a beauty. Her cheeks were sunken, her mouth a little too
wide. Her nose was on the small side and upturned. She had an expressive
face and a great sense of humor, though she hardly ever laughed out loud.
She was short, and even in a good mood she talked like she was half a
step away from picking a fight. I never knew her to use lipstick or eyebrow
pencil, and I have my doubts that she even knew bras came in different
sizes. Still, Sumire had something special about her, something that drew
people to her. Defining that special something isn't easy, but when you
gazed into her eyes, you could always find it, reflected deep down inside.
I
might as well just come right out and say it. I was in love with Sumire.
I was attracted to her from the first time we talked, and soon there was
no turning back. For a long time she was the only thing I could think
about. I tried to tell her how I felt, but somehow the feelings and the
right words couldn't connect. Maybe it was for the best. If I had been
able to tell her my feelings, she would have just laughed at me.
While
Sumire and I were friends, I went out with two or three other girls. It's
not that I don't remember the exact number. Two, three-it depends on how
you count. Add to this the girls I slept with once or twice, and the list
would be a little longer. Anyhow, while I made love to these other girls,
I thought about Sumire. Or at least, thoughts of her grazed a corner of
my mind. I imagined I was holding her. Kind of a caddish thing to do,
but I couldn't help myself.
Let
me get back to how Sumire and Miu met.
Miu
had heard of Jack Kerouac and had a vague sense that he was a novelist
of some kind. What kind of novelist, though, she couldn't recall.
"Kerouac
. . . Hmm . . . Wasn't he a Sputnik?"
Sumire
couldn't figure out what she meant. Knife and fork poised in midair, she
gave it some thought. "Sputnik? You mean the first satellite the Soviets
sent up, in the fifties? Jack Kerouac was an American novelist. I guess
they do overlap in terms of generation. . . ."
"Isn't
that what they called the writers back then?" Miu asked. She traced a
circle on the table with her fingertip, as if rummaging through some special
jar full of memories.
"Sputnik
. . . ?"
"The
name of a literary movement. You know-how they classify writers in various
schools of writing. Like Shiga Naoya was in the White Birch School."
Finally
it dawned on Sumire. "Beatnik!"
Miu
lightly dabbed at the corner of her mouth with a napkin. "Beatnik-Sputnik.
I never can remember those kinds of terms. It's like the Kenmun Restoration
or the Treaty of Rapallo. Ancient history."
A
gentle silence descended on them, suggestive of the flow of time.
"The
Treaty of Rapallo?" Sumire asked.
Miu
smiled. A nostalgic, intimate smile, like a treasured old possession pulled
out of the back of a drawer. Her eyes narrowed in an utterly charming
way. She reached out and, with her long, slim fingers, gently mussed Sumire's
already tousled hair. It was such a sudden yet natural gesture that Sumire
could only return the smile.
Ever
since that day, Sumire's private name for Miu was Sputnik Sweetheart.
Sumire loved the sound of it. It made her think of Laika, the dog. The
man-made satellite streaking soundlessly across the blackness of outer
space. The dark, lustrous eyes of the dog gazing out the tiny window.
In the infinite loneliness of space, what could the dog possibly be looking
at?
This
Sputnik conversation took place at a wedding reception for Sumire's cousin
at a posh hotel in Akasaka. Sumire wasn't particularly close to her cousin;
in fact, they didn't get along at all. She'd just as soon be tortured
as attend one of these receptions, but she couldn't back out of this one.
She and Miu were seated next to each other at one of the tables. Miu didn't
go into all the details, but it seemed she'd tutored Sumire's cousin on
piano-or something along those lines-when she was taking the entrance
exams for the university music department. It wasn't a long or very close
relationship, clearly, but Miu felt obliged to attend.
In
the instant Miu touched her hair, Sumire fell in love, like she was crossing
a field and bang! a bolt of lightning zapped her right in the head. Something
akin to an artistic revelation. Which is why, at that point, it didn't
matter to Sumire that the person she fell in love with happened to be
a woman.
I
don't think Sumire ever had what you'd call a lover. In high school she
had a few boyfriends, guys she'd go to movies with, go swimming with.
I couldn't picture any of those relations ever getting very deep. Sumire
was too focused on becoming a novelist to really fall for anybody. If
she did experience sex--or something close to it--in high school, I'm
sure it would have been less out of sexual desire or love than literary
curiosity.
"To
be perfectly frank, sexual desire has me baffled," Sumire told me once,
making a sober face. This was just before she quit college, I believe;
she'd downed five banana daiquiris and was pretty drunk. "You know-how
it all comes about. What's your take on it?"
"Sexual
desire's not something you understand," I said, giving my usual middle-of-the-road
opinion. "It's just there."
She
scrutinized me for a while, like I was some machine run by a heretofore
unheard-of power source. Losing interest, she stared up at the ceiling,
and the conversation petered out. No use talking to him about that, she
must have decided.
Sumire
was born in Chigasaki. Her home was near the seashore, and she grew up
with the dry sound of sand-filled wind blowing against her windows. Her
father ran a dental clinic in Yokohama. He was remarkably handsome, his
well-formed nose reminding you of Gregory Peck in Spellbound. Sumire
didn't inherit that handsome nose, nor, according to her, did her brother.
Sumire found it amazing that the genes that produced that nose had disappeared.
If they really were buried forever at the bottom of the gene pool, the
world was a sadder place. That's how wonderful this nose was.
Sumire's
father was an almost mythic figure to the women in the Yokohama area who
needed dental care. In the examination room he always wore a surgical
cap and large mask, so the only thing the patient could see was a pair
of eyes and ears. Even so, it was obvious how attractive he was. His beautiful,
manly nose swelled suggestively under the mask, making his female patients
blush. In an instant-whether their dental plan covered the costs was beside
the point-they fell in love.
Sumire's
mother passed away of a congenital heart defect when she was just thirty-one.
Sumire hadn't quite turned three. The only memory she had of her mother
was a vague one, of the scent of her skin. Just a couple of photographs
of her remained-a posed photo taken at her wedding and a snapshot taken
right after Sumire was born. Sumire used to pull out the photo album and
gaze at the pictures. Sumire's mother was-to put it mildly-a completely
forgettable person. A short, humdrum hairstyle, clothes that made you
wonder what she could have been thinking, an ill-at-ease smile. If she'd
taken one step back, she would have melted right into the wall. Sumire
was determined to brand her mother's face on her memory. Then she might
someday meet her in her dreams. They'd shake hands, have a nice chat.
But things weren't that easy. Try as she might to remember her mother's
face, it soon faded. Forget about dreams-if Sumire had passed her mother
on the street, in broad daylight, she wouldn't have known her.
Sumire's
father hardly ever spoke of his late wife. He wasn't a talkative man to
begin with, and in all aspects of life-like they were some kind of mouth
infection he wanted to avoid catching-he never talked about his feelings.
Sumire had no memory of ever asking her father about her dead mother.
Except for once, when she was still very small; for some reason she asked
him, "What was my mother like?" She remembered this conversation very
clearly.
Her
father looked away and thought for a moment before replying. "She was
good at remembering things," he said. "And she had nice handwriting."
A
strange way of describing a person. Sumire was waiting expectantly, snow-white
first page of her notebook open, for nourishing words that could have
been a source of warmth and comfort-a pillar, an axis, to help prop up
her uncertain life here on this third planet from the sun. Her father
should have said something that his young daughter could have held on
to. But Sumire's handsome father wasn't going to speak those words, the
very words she needed most.
Sumire's
father remarried when she was six, and two years later her younger brother
was born. Her new mother wasn't pretty either. On top of which she wasn't
so good at remembering things, and her handwriting wasn't any great shakes.
She was a kind and fair person, though. That was a lucky thing for little
Sumire, the brand-new stepdaughter. No, lucky isn't the right word. After
all, her father had chosen the woman. He might not have been the ideal
father, but when it came to choosing a mate, he knew what he was doing.
Excerpted
from Sputnik Sweetheart by Haruki Murakami. Copyright 2001 by Haruki
Murakami Chapter One. Excerpted by permission of Knopf, a division of
Random House, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be
reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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