Vampires Descend Upon Colombia

According to Bogota police, up to 50 groups of human vampires are prowling the streets of the Colombian capital. Although they generally obtain their blood through connections at blood banks or by purchasing animal blood, some of these black-clad creatures of the night have lately taken to holding up passers-by at gunpoint, cutting their necks with razor blades, and drinking their blood.

While such a story is quite shocking in and of itself, what truly boggles the mind is that so many questions regarding the vampire attacks remain unanswered. For instance, why are razor blades the weapon of choice of these vampires when they all supposedly have fangs? Of course, there's also the burning question of coffins. Do vampires actually sleep in them, or is such a practice considered passé? One also wonders whether or not the slicked-back widows-peak hairstyle -- the preferred coif of so many vampires of the silver screen -- remains popular among these modern-day blood enthusiasts.

Recoiling from sunshine, shunning garlic, donning shoddy and vaguely Germanic accents … are these the true trademarks of vampires? Clearly, the answers to such queries remain unknown. But if you'd like to unravel the mystery wrapped up in an enigma wrapped up a big black cloak that is vampire-dom, we recommend checking out the following vampiric volumes (in addition to those towering bestsellers by you-know-who).

I Am Legend
by Richard Matheson
Picture this: A massive plague kills off most of the world and transforms whoever is left standing into bloodthirsty half-dead creatures. Our hero Robert Neville, however, seems to be the only one immune to the disease, and now all of the vampires are hungry for Neville's blood. Considered to be a masterwork of literary horror, I Am Legend proved influential to modern-day superstars Stephen King and Dean Koontz (both of whom read Matheson as youngsters), and is a vision of nightmarish futureworld that's sure to stick with you.

Lost Souls
by Poppy Z. Brite
Brite has made quite a name for herself in the realm of transgressive fiction, and Lost Souls, her debut novel, is what started all the buzz. A highly stylized, neopunk tour of the vampiric underworld, Lost Souls will certainly not appeal to everyone (especially those with a weak stomach), but its infusion of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll into the standard vampire novel is a welcome surprise. A troubled teen named Nothing meets up with his biological father Zillah, a vampire, whom he has never known, and joins up with Zillah's crew of reckless bloodsuckers as they hit the road to track down Nothing's favorite band, Lost Souls. To those who prefer their prose to be oozing with unwashed and lawless excess, Brite will certainly satisfy.

The Deluxe Transitive Vampire
by Karen Elizabeth Gordon
Destined to have you up into the wee hours of the night, The Deluxe Transitive Vampire will have you feverishly flipping its pages, mesmerized, in a state of near-rapture even, as you delve deep the fascinating world of … grammar. Okay, that might be exaggerating a wee bit, but it's not an overstatement to say that The Deluxe Transitive Vampire is closer to a page-turner that just about any other grammar book, and it might be the only grammar book that will elicit both laughs and "aha!" moments in equal measure. The genius behind it lies in how Gordon uses her black humor and talent for spinning gothic yarns -- which include not only vampires, bats, and wolves, but also a mastodon, pizza chef, and a lummox -- to create a silly delight that you'll want to keep close at hand at all times.

The Vampire Tapestry
by Suzy McKee Charnas
Dr. Edward Lewis Wayland is a renowned anthropologist who's leading a secret life as a centuries-old bloodsucker. Thanks to the constant supply of healthy young "volunteers" that frequent the sleep research lab he runs, Weyland manages to get his fill of human blood and avoids any of the usual messiness that goes along with such a practice. In fact, Weyland creates quite a nice life for himself -- a cushy job, a sharp-looking car, respect and admiration. That is, of course, until he picks the wrong victim and ends up being kidnapped by a band of Satanists and weirdos. Imaginative, smart, and suspenseful, The Vampire Tapestry is an entertaining and thought-provoking spin on the genre that is a must-read for horror fans.

Food for the Dead
by Michael E. Bell
Hypothetically, let's say you become convinced your dead family members have become vampiric spectral creatures who are stealing life away from their siblings from beyond the grave. How are you gonna get out of that kind of jam? Well, if you were living in historical New England, you might exhume the suspected vampire and cut out his or heart and burn it in an elaborate ceremony. In Food for the Dead -- a Book Sense 76 pick -- Michael E. Bell explores this bizarre folk custom in a work of meticulous research that not only explores the strange beliefs of certain New Englanders, but also supplies a tremendous amount of insight into the dark side of early America.